Finding Peace Through Forgiveness

For the last three months, the word forgiveness has been jumping out at me. Just when I thought I had encountered enough about forgiveness, the tragedy occurred in the Pennsylvania Amish community. Immediately, the Amish people expressed forgiveness toward the man who violently took the lives of several of their young girls. No doubt, there is a lesson for all of us in that huge demonstration of forgiveness. (http://www.abcnews.go.co m/WNT/story? id=2523941&page=1)

Are there stages of forgiveness?

Long ago, a therapist taught me that there are stages to go through before one can forgive. They went something like this:

1) acknowledge and feel the pain

2) express the painful emotions from the hurt

3) process and express anger

4) forgive

How do you want to spend your time?

Now I question the order of those stages. My primary desire is to forgive and I trust that by focusing on this outcome, my anger and hurt over injustices will be healed. It may take time for the healing to occur and that is okay. It still makes me feel good to know that forgiveness is leading the way.

For example, let's say that someone says something to me that hurts my feelings. I determine the source of my pain and then immediately take steps toward forgiveness. I firmly believe that everyone is doing the best that they can and I tell myself this over and over. This belief helps me to forgive. Sometimes I don't forgive 100% right away but I am making the effort. I no longer want to get bogged down in anger and resentment for long periods of time before I strive to forgive.

According to The Bible, some of the last words spoken by Jesus as he hung on the cross included "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." After being tortured and crucified, it is remarkable that Jesus had forgiveness in his heart. Jesus certainly did not have ample time to process anger about being crucified before he said those words. He immediately forgave.

Self-Forgiveness is The Biggie.

Often the person I need to forgive is myself. It is easy for me to continuously beat myself up for a mistake, failure or anything else I perceive as negative about myself. There is no need for me to be so hard on myself! I believe that just as I have to love myself before I can love others, I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others. More and more, I am learning to forgive myself for all the big stuff, the little stuff, the real stuff and the imagined stuff.

I will be the first to admit, it can be challenging to forgive. Like anything else, practice makes forgiving easier. When I first started playing the piano, it was challenging and difficult. After lots of practice, it became a joy. The same thing can happen with forgiveness. Begin by focusing on forgiving the smaller hurts before you leap to the major ones. Thankfully, my first piano teacher did not assign Sonata I by Mozart to me at my first piano lesson! It seems the first piece I learned was something like Mary Had a Little Lamb.

Keeping a Forgiveness Journal

A structure to keep forgiveness alive in your life is to keep a Forgiveness Journal. Write down five of your personal acts of forgiveness each day. Make sure you include forgiveness toward yourself in your list. Also, be specific! Here is a sample:

I forgive myself for spilling juice on the floor.

I forgive that dog for biting me when I was five years old.

I forgive my leg for being so slow to heal!

I forgive that guy for taking my turn at the stop sign.

I forgive everyone in the publishing industry who has sent me a rejection slip!

Making a short, daily list of forgiveness will help keep you focused on forgiving. As you strengthen your forgiveness muscle, you will become less burdened by the heaviness that comes from consciously and unconsciously holding on to self-inflicted hurts as well as hurts that are created by others. If you have doubts about the power of forgiveness, try keeping the journal for just one week. Notice how you feel at the end of your trial run. If you are so inclined, keep forgiving and spread the word about the positive impact of forgiveness.

Do This For You!

Forgiveness brings the greatest healing to the one who forgives. If you constantly forgive others and yourself, there is not much use for resentment, hatred, anger and revenge. Your heart will become a nesting place for peace.

There will not be peace in the world until the majority of us have peace in our hearts. If you want to impact the world in a positive way, start with yourself. Consciously walk the path of forgiveness. Much like gratitude and love, it is a path that will lead you toward greater joy and peace.

Onward!

Beverly

Copyright 2006 Beverly Keaton Smith

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese

Comments

[Personal Development Reviews]

Just when I thought I had encountered enough about forgiveness, the tragedy occurred in the Pennsylvania Amish community.Its what is required that every person should do follow it.