Embrace Your Gifts and Soar!

A True Halloween Story About Compassion

It's Halloween night and I am trick-or-treating with my friend Becky. Around 9:00 p.m. my plastic jack-o-lantern begins to overflow with candy. Feeling satisfied with our efforts, Becky and I start walking toward our homes. That's when Alex suddenly appears.

 

Alex casually starts talking to us and then, without warning, he grabs the black strap on my plastic jack-o-lantern and tries to steal my candy. I tighten my grip and enter into a serious tug of war position with Alex. I will not lose my candy!

 

The strap breaks and some of the candy spills onto the street. Alex watches the candy fall but I never take my eyes off of Alex. While he is momentarily distracted, I clinch my fingers onto the plastic edge of the jack-o-lantern and continue to pull the candy toward me. Alex quickly follows suit. The plastic cuts into my fingers but I do not care. I know I am going to win. I will not have it any other way.

 

We continue our tug of war with the jack-o-lantern. I stare into Alex's eyes. My thoughts swirl with determination to defeat him. Maybe he can read my mind because suddenly he lets go of the jack-o-lantern. I stumble a bit before I regain my balance. Alex picks up some of the candy from the street and runs away. I assume my troubles are over so I proudly boast about my victory to Becky.

 

As Becky and I continue our walk home, we are engrossed in conversation so I never see it coming. I sure do feel it though.

 

Something strikes me on my back, close to the back of my heart, and knocks my breath out of me. As I turn around to see what struck me, I see Alex running into the darkness once again. As I watch Alex get smaller and smaller, I can't move. That's when it happens. 

  
I feel every bit of Alex's anger, frustration, loneliness and pain. It is so strong that I can hardly breathe. I watch Alex until he disappears into the darkness once again but this time, a part of him stays with me. The part that told me, "I'm hurting."

 

As I feel the pain that Alex is carrying inside of his heart, I become filled with compassion for him. I am determined that I will not add to his pain. I will not talk about this evening. I will not brag about winning. I will not participate in anything that harms Alex, who is frequently the victim of school bullies and ridicule from classmates.

 

The next morning, I get on the school bus that takes me to my 5th grade class across town. I see Alex sitting in a seat, alone. I smile at him before I sit down with some friends. He seems surprised but he smiles back. This exchange between us lifts me up and even though I don't realize it, seeds of love and compassion have been strongly planted into my heart through my encounter with Alex.

 

Alex died before the age of twenty. Where ever you are Alex, I thank you for being one of my best teachers. I hope you are munching on a bunch of sweet candy that has washed all of your pain away. RIP.

 

Beverly Keaton Smith

all rights reserved; 2008

Finding Peace Through Forgiveness

For the last three months, the word forgiveness has been jumping out at me. Just when I thought I had encountered enough about forgiveness, the tragedy occurred in the Pennsylvania Amish community. Immediately, the Amish people expressed forgiveness toward the man who violently took the lives of several of their young girls. No doubt, there is a lesson for all of us in that huge demonstration of forgiveness. (http://www.abcnews.go.co m/WNT/story? id=2523941&page=1)

Are there stages of forgiveness?

Long ago, a therapist taught me that there are stages to go through before one can forgive. They went something like this:

1) acknowledge and feel the pain

2) express the painful emotions from the hurt

3) process and express anger

4) forgive

How do you want to spend your time?

Now I question the order of those stages. My primary desire is to forgive and I trust that by focusing on this outcome, my anger and hurt over injustices will be healed. It may take time for the healing to occur and that is okay. It still makes me feel good to know that forgiveness is leading the way.

For example, let's say that someone says something to me that hurts my feelings. I determine the source of my pain and then immediately take steps toward forgiveness. I firmly believe that everyone is doing the best that they can and I tell myself this over and over. This belief helps me to forgive. Sometimes I don't forgive 100% right away but I am making the effort. I no longer want to get bogged down in anger and resentment for long periods of time before I strive to forgive.

According to The Bible, some of the last words spoken by Jesus as he hung on the cross included "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." After being tortured and crucified, it is remarkable that Jesus had forgiveness in his heart. Jesus certainly did not have ample time to process anger about being crucified before he said those words. He immediately forgave.

Self-Forgiveness is The Biggie.

Often the person I need to forgive is myself. It is easy for me to continuously beat myself up for a mistake, failure or anything else I perceive as negative about myself. There is no need for me to be so hard on myself! I believe that just as I have to love myself before I can love others, I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others. More and more, I am learning to forgive myself for all the big stuff, the little stuff, the real stuff and the imagined stuff.

I will be the first to admit, it can be challenging to forgive. Like anything else, practice makes forgiving easier. When I first started playing the piano, it was challenging and difficult. After lots of practice, it became a joy. The same thing can happen with forgiveness. Begin by focusing on forgiving the smaller hurts before you leap to the major ones. Thankfully, my first piano teacher did not assign Sonata I by Mozart to me at my first piano lesson! It seems the first piece I learned was something like Mary Had a Little Lamb.

Keeping a Forgiveness Journal

A structure to keep forgiveness alive in your life is to keep a Forgiveness Journal. Write down five of your personal acts of forgiveness each day. Make sure you include forgiveness toward yourself in your list. Also, be specific! Here is a sample:

I forgive myself for spilling juice on the floor.

I forgive that dog for biting me when I was five years old.

I forgive my leg for being so slow to heal!

I forgive that guy for taking my turn at the stop sign.

I forgive everyone in the publishing industry who has sent me a rejection slip!

Making a short, daily list of forgiveness will help keep you focused on forgiving. As you strengthen your forgiveness muscle, you will become less burdened by the heaviness that comes from consciously and unconsciously holding on to self-inflicted hurts as well as hurts that are created by others. If you have doubts about the power of forgiveness, try keeping the journal for just one week. Notice how you feel at the end of your trial run. If you are so inclined, keep forgiving and spread the word about the positive impact of forgiveness.

Do This For You!

Forgiveness brings the greatest healing to the one who forgives. If you constantly forgive others and yourself, there is not much use for resentment, hatred, anger and revenge. Your heart will become a nesting place for peace.

There will not be peace in the world until the majority of us have peace in our hearts. If you want to impact the world in a positive way, start with yourself. Consciously walk the path of forgiveness. Much like gratitude and love, it is a path that will lead you toward greater joy and peace.

Onward!

Beverly

Copyright 2006 Beverly Keaton Smith

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese