Embrace Your Gifts and Soar!

A True Halloween Story About Compassion

It's Halloween night and I am trick-or-treating with my friend Becky. Around 9:00 p.m. my plastic jack-o-lantern begins to overflow with candy. Feeling satisfied with our efforts, Becky and I start walking toward our homes. That's when Alex suddenly appears.

 

Alex casually starts talking to us and then, without warning, he grabs the black strap on my plastic jack-o-lantern and tries to steal my candy. I tighten my grip and enter into a serious tug of war position with Alex. I will not lose my candy!

 

The strap breaks and some of the candy spills onto the street. Alex watches the candy fall but I never take my eyes off of Alex. While he is momentarily distracted, I clinch my fingers onto the plastic edge of the jack-o-lantern and continue to pull the candy toward me. Alex quickly follows suit. The plastic cuts into my fingers but I do not care. I know I am going to win. I will not have it any other way.

 

We continue our tug of war with the jack-o-lantern. I stare into Alex's eyes. My thoughts swirl with determination to defeat him. Maybe he can read my mind because suddenly he lets go of the jack-o-lantern. I stumble a bit before I regain my balance. Alex picks up some of the candy from the street and runs away. I assume my troubles are over so I proudly boast about my victory to Becky.

 

As Becky and I continue our walk home, we are engrossed in conversation so I never see it coming. I sure do feel it though.

 

Something strikes me on my back, close to the back of my heart, and knocks my breath out of me. As I turn around to see what struck me, I see Alex running into the darkness once again. As I watch Alex get smaller and smaller, I can't move. That's when it happens. 

  
I feel every bit of Alex's anger, frustration, loneliness and pain. It is so strong that I can hardly breathe. I watch Alex until he disappears into the darkness once again but this time, a part of him stays with me. The part that told me, "I'm hurting."

 

As I feel the pain that Alex is carrying inside of his heart, I become filled with compassion for him. I am determined that I will not add to his pain. I will not talk about this evening. I will not brag about winning. I will not participate in anything that harms Alex, who is frequently the victim of school bullies and ridicule from classmates.

 

The next morning, I get on the school bus that takes me to my 5th grade class across town. I see Alex sitting in a seat, alone. I smile at him before I sit down with some friends. He seems surprised but he smiles back. This exchange between us lifts me up and even though I don't realize it, seeds of love and compassion have been strongly planted into my heart through my encounter with Alex.

 

Alex died before the age of twenty. Where ever you are Alex, I thank you for being one of my best teachers. I hope you are munching on a bunch of sweet candy that has washed all of your pain away. RIP.

 

Beverly Keaton Smith

all rights reserved; 2008

Sacred Kitchen

If the kitchen is truly the heart of the house, my house was slowing moving toward a heart attack.

Okay, sounds dramatic, I know, but I really hated my kitchen until last week. It felt small and cluttered and it needed a good spring cleaning. My answer? Avoidance! Since my husband does most of our cooking, I had a good excuse to stay away from the kitchen.

While visiting friend and colleague, Susan Freeman, in Boulder, Colorado, I walked into her immaculate, inviting kitchen and got a good dose of inspiration to give my kitchen a mini make-over. Thank you Susan!

My husband and I cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and let go of many items we did not use. This created a lot more space in the cabinets so nothing is stored on the counter tops anymore. Now, our kitchen feels bigger and healthier! Next, we cleaned out the pantry and tossed out food that was expired or unwanted. Then, I pulled out the rubber gloves and cleaned under the sink, in the cabinets, the pantry and the appliances. 

To top all of this off, on sacred Sunday we went to Linen's N Things and purchased a new set of pots and pans along with a few other odds and ends. I've also decided to wash more of the dishes instead of relying solely on the dishwasher so I picked up a dish rack too.

Since I plan to learn to cook, I knew the first step was to make the kitchen as inviting and functional as possible. Yes, really! I am going to learn to cook. As someone who grew up haunted by eating disorders and body image problems, I spent many years seeing food as an enemy instead of my friend. However, there was something about visiting Susan that made me want to step into a new perspective with food preparation, the kitchen and making healthier choices. While the eating disorders of long ago have been healed, I guess a little residual dysfunction was still hanging on and separated me from the joy of cooking.

Here's to happy kitchens, delicious healthy meals and strong beating hearts that pump aliveness into bodies and homes!

If you'd like to recommend good cookbooks or share healthy, easy recipes with me, I'd be grateful! You can post them in the comments so others can enjoy them too or send them to Bev @  EmbraceYourGifts.com

Blessings!

Beverly

Shirley is out of the closet....for good!

My Shirley Temple doll came into my life after I pointed her out to Mom as we walked around a flea market. I said something like, "Oh, she is so pretty. I love Shirley Temple!" and Mom turned her into a Christmas present for me about twenty years ago.

Unfortunately, Shirley has spent more time in the closet than she has on display. The truth is I put her away shortly after I got her because I could not bear to look at her. Shirley represented joy, playfulness and femininity. I felt very removed from those traits when Shirley came into my life. I was lonely, depressed, making bad choices on a regular basis and resented being a woman. Somehow, Shirley became a mirror for my despair so I hid her in closet after closet as I moved from apartment to apartment in my twenties and thirties.

Finding this new comforter on a fantastic shopping trip with Mom prompted me to take Shirley out of the closet and reunite with the original love I had for her the moment I first laid eyes on her.

Bringing Shirley out of the darkness caused me to reflect on how far I've come and how objects that once brought me sorrow can now bring me joy. I'm so glad I hung on to Shirley. I knew in my heart that one day there would be a place for her in my life again.

I know this may sound silly to some, but I can't help but believe that God led me to this comforter because He knew this would finally get Shirley out of the closet and into the light where she belongs. Shirley loves reminding me to continuously embrace joy, playfulness and femininity.

What kind of old, treasured objects do you have that hold significant meaning to you?

Blessings!

Beverly

Happy Trails To You, Mr. Gremlin!

My creativity gremlin was born in a Baptist church in Jackson, Mississippi many, many years ago. (In case you don't know, gremlin is another word for negative voices in your head that keep you from doing what your heart is trying to lead you to do. More on gremlins later. Right now, I want to get back to my story.)

I'm sitting around a little table in a tiny room with a small group of kids who are six to seven years old. It's a Wednesday night and big church meets after this. A man, whose name I can not recall, instructs us to draw a picture using Manilla paper and crayons. He tells us "After everyone draws their picture, we will vote on whose picture is the best." I feel pressure to do good. This makes me squirm. Everyone draws their picture and now it's time to vote. We can vote as much as we want too. I vote for the picture drawn by the only girl in the group after she covers her eyes by putting her head down on the surface of the table. 

I am the last one to show my picture to the group. I am proud of my big, bold single flower that has a long stem with roots hidden in an oversized pink pot. I'm good at drawing flowers. I draw them a lot. I put my head down on the table and close my eyes and eagerly wait to see how many votes I get.

I raise my head and ask, "How many?" and one of the boys blurts out, "No one voted for your picture. Not even the teacher!" I am stunned and sheepishly reply, "No one voted for me?" and the little boy says, "Nope, no one! No one likes your picture." I look at the man running the show. He is at a loss for words. No doubt he can see the pain I am trying to deny. The man begins to make excuses. "Boys, don't like flowers. That's why they didn't vote for your picture. Boys like boy things." This does not make me feel better! I remain silent but my thoughts are swirling. "How can anyone NOT like flowers?" I'm so embarrassed. I thought my picture was good but everyone else hates it. Even the other girl hates it! Why didn't she vote for me? I can't wait to get out of here! I will never draw again!"

That's when an invisible creativity gremlin hopped on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry baby. I'll protect you. Every time you think about creating, I'll remind you that it is dangerous to create and even more dangerous to show others what you create. Don't worry, we will not let this happen again!" Desperate for relief, I said "okay" to this gremlin even though at the time, I had no idea what was really happening. I just knew that I created something and it flopped. That had to mean that I was a flop too. The best way to keep from flopping again was to put away my crayons forever.

And that, my friends, is how my creativity gremlin was born. He has hounded me every since that fateful evening. I share this story with you because today as I was making a vision board and doing my best to push this gremlin aside, it dawned on me that this story is old, stupid and finished.

Good-bye Creativity Gremlin. Happy Trails to you. I don't need you anymore!

Signing off with a song in my heart,

Beverly Keaton Smith

Can SAD Be Good?

It was an unwelcome surprise to have such a long spell of cold weather in April. My new burst of springtime energy faded away as the number of consecutive cloudy days increased. My blue couch swallowed me as I wrapped myself up in the handmade quilt that I depend on during cold weather. Books fell into piles all around me. My laptop also moved to the couch as I became more and more reclusive. At first, I didn’t mind. I had a great excuse to be a couch potato as I waited for the return of spring.

Unfortunately the cold snap lasted for more than a few days. I sank into a dim depression as I longed for the warm weather and the sun. I wondered if ongoing cloud coverage could make me irritable as I checked the weather forecast daily to see when the sun would return. As I noticed my undeniable longing for the sun, I decided that it was time for me to finally accept that I suffer from SAD, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder.

For many years, I suspected that I had this trait yet I refused to give it that much thought. I tend to steer clear of labeling myself with anything that ends in disorder. Embracing the idea of having SAD is a bit like embracing a shadow part of my psyche. I felt a sense of freedom after allowing myself to accept that I need light like a fish needs water. Fortunately, I live in the south and our winters are mild and short. However, when the sun goes away for too long, I become depressed, moody, irritable and unmotivated. Totally!

The good news is now that I accept that I have SAD, I am more conscious about how important it is for me to have exposure to lots of light. When I think about how this can look in my life, I got excited and it is easy for me to step into a perspective of seeing SAD as a huge gift in my life.

Here are the ways that I cope with SAD. (This has worked for me but that doesn’t mean that this will work for everyone. Please consult your doctor for your best treatment.)

• Live in a house with lots of windows so natural lighting is prevalent in the home. There was an extended period of time in my life when I sat in a small office without windows for forty hours a week. My salvation was to spend many of my lunch hours sitting outdoors in a nearby park.
• Exercise for at least one hour outdoors whenever possible. This is helpful even on cloudy days. I enjoy taking morning walks as the sun is rising. Starting out the day with a dose of light, exercise and endorphins greatly enhances my mood. Other options include biking, swimming, tennis, running, dancing, baseball, soccer, frisbee, basketball, skating, hiking, rock climbing, snow skiing and so many more.
• Drive a convertible. Now, this is a fun one for sure. Driving around with the top down is one of my favorite ways to get relief from SAD symptoms.
• Boating. This is a lot like driving around in a convertible except you get to add water into the mix too. Pure heaven! (This includes fishing, water skiing, sailing, paddle boats, etc.)
• Outdoor chores like yard work, gardening, washing the car, painting the exterior of the house are all productive ways to experience relief from SAD symptoms. (Also, a feeling of accomplishment is an added bonus!)
• Here is an easy one. Simply spend time outside for a minimum of thirty minutes. Use sun screen. No need to get burned while getting your sun fix. Also, this works on cloudy days too! Make this really easy on yourself by buying yourself a nice lounger!
• Make indoor activities outdoor activities. Eat, read, talk on the phone or bond with your computer outdoors. Get creative with this! What other activities can you do outdoors that you normally do inside the house or office?
• Travel to sunny, warm areas during the winter. If this is not an option for you, consider light therapy. I have not tried light therapy but have read that many report good results with this practice.
• Sit by a fire. Enjoy the flames outdoors at a campfire or indoors in a fireplace. Candles are helpful too. (Check out Zenamoon Candles! They're wonderful!)
• Wear light colored clothes. When I wear black or darker colors, I noticed that I do not feel quite as chipper, energetic or happy. Experiment with your wardrobe by choosing light, colorful clothing and see if it makes a difference in your disposition.
• Good nutrition always enhances well-being. There are also herbs and vitamins that can help. St. John’s Wort is said to be helpful for mild-depression. Turn to a nutritionist if you don’t know where to start.
• Examine your life. What changes do you need to make to bring greater fulfillment and peace into your existence? Take steps toward making those changes. (Self-help books, a therapist, coach or healing circle can help with this one.)
• Educate yourself about SAD. Consider the possibility that there might be a link between sunlight and your mood, energy level and overall feelings of well-being. Medication is available for this disorder. It is always a good idea to consult your doctor and see what options will best suit your needs.

My energy level, mood and sense of well-being are enhanced by the activities that I have listed. While I realize that SAD is a serious condition that should not be taken lightly, (no pun intended!) I also appreciate that this disorder makes it absolutely necessary for me to get out there and soak in all the light that I can! Just look at all of the fun ways you can choose from to cope with SAD. Are there any other ideas that you can add to the list?

Suggested reading to learn more about SAD

Winter Blues, Revised Edition: Everything You Need to Know to Beat Seasonal Affective Disorder
by Norman E. Rosenthal

Beverly Keaton Smith is the founder of Embrace Your Gifts and Soar! which offers individual coaching, workshops, classes and retreats which support women as they journey toward wholeness.

Copyright 2007: Beverly Keaton Smith

This article may be republished. Please include bio with the article. Thank you! Beverly.

Making Up Stories

If you are going to make up stories, make up good ones!

These words came tumbling my way on Monday evening as I sat at a table in a Mexican restaurant with my friend, photographer/writer Deborah Noel. We met over a year ago and she interviewed me for her article, Come Fly With Her which was published in the Jackson Free Press. She is committed to growth and healing and that is the just one of the many things I love about her.

The night before our dinner, I awoke during the early dark hours of morning, deemed myself a complete failure and basically spun out of control by making up unhappy stories about me, my world and the people all around me. Sometimes that happens. I think I can read everyone's mind and am sure that everyone is working against me. Oh, it doesn't happen very often, thank goodness, but there are occasional flare ups. (or maybe I should say flare downs!) The bad thing was that most of the people I talked to on that day just happened to be having a crisis that was bigger than mine. So, being dutiful coach and friend, I sacrificed my need for support and offered what little I had to others.

So, by the time I met up with Deborah for dinner, I was not in very good shape. Fortunately, she was not having a crisis and helped me to see that I had fallen into the trap of making up bad stories. She was right too. I could see it so clearly once she pointed it out. Of course it makes more sense to make up positive stuff instead of negative stuff. Duh!

So, I know I am being a bit cryptic here. I see no reason to reveal the nitty gritty details of the bad stories that ganged up on me as I fed them more and more energy. Let's just say I was ready to shut down my business, turn in my coaching badge and never write another word again. Yikes. That would basically be giving up all the things I love.

Well, thankfully the tide turned that evening and my visit to funk land only lasted one day. The next day, sunshine returned, birds chirped and fresh signs of life waved at me from every direction. My business is still intact and here I am writing this so that maybe you too will be reminded that...

If you are going to make up stories, make up good ones!

(Thank you Deborah and Carol! Oh what gratitude I have for my wonderful friends!)

and the beat goes on....

Love,

Beverly

I Love ME! YYIPPEEEE!!

How often do you shower yourself with with your own love?

Valentine's Day has not always been a day of celebration for me. I vividly remember one year when I felt tortured by this Love holiday. There was not a special guy in my life and I felt very unworthy. I watched the women I worked with proudly place flowers from their partners on their desks. Looking at my bare desk made me feel like a beat up punching bag. I put up a strong front as I took in the scent of the beautiful flowers. However, my heart was secretly floating in tears.

The next day was a Saturday and I stayed in bed all day. Depression found its opening and I sunk into focusing on what was lacking in my life at that time. Never once did it occur to me to send myself flowers or shower mySELF with love in some other way. I didn't know how to love me.

If only I knew then what I know now!

I had to learn how to love myself. My journey toward self-love began with guidance from others. I was taught to be good to myself and accepted that there are some really great things about me. I no longer confuse self-love with egotism or being "too big for my britches."

I am a late bloomer. I graduated from college at age 30 and I married my sweetie at age 38. Self-Love began in my early thirties and is something I continuously work on. I am now very intentional about being one of my very best friends.

Self-love is a big component of happiness. How can you be truly happy living in a close relationship with someone you don't love? Just notice how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you.

Are you feeling the love....for yourself?

I invite you to pay attention. Simply notice how you are treating yourself, talking to yourself and thinking about yourself.

Why not shower yourself with some extra love this week? If you don't know how to get started, here is a suggestion.

Make a list of 100 great things about you.

Go ahead! Don't hold back! If you are having resistance, push through it. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you come up with. Take this a step further by sharing your list with a safe person. (and please include me on your list of potential people to share your list with!)

Here's to Self-Love! It creates a win-win for everyone!

Written and Shared with Love,

Beverly

Inspiration

I invite you to take a few moments out of your busy schedule and enjoy these inspiring words and stunning pictures. Lots of good stuff packed into these flash movies!

Interview with God

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html

May You Be Blessed

http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/

The Ultimate Yes

http://www.toufee.com/cgi-bin/myMovie.pl?u=20921165897095

Finding Peace Through Forgiveness

For the last three months, the word forgiveness has been jumping out at me. Just when I thought I had encountered enough about forgiveness, the tragedy occurred in the Pennsylvania Amish community. Immediately, the Amish people expressed forgiveness toward the man who violently took the lives of several of their young girls. No doubt, there is a lesson for all of us in that huge demonstration of forgiveness. (http://www.abcnews.go.co m/WNT/story? id=2523941&page=1)

Are there stages of forgiveness?

Long ago, a therapist taught me that there are stages to go through before one can forgive. They went something like this:

1) acknowledge and feel the pain

2) express the painful emotions from the hurt

3) process and express anger

4) forgive

How do you want to spend your time?

Now I question the order of those stages. My primary desire is to forgive and I trust that by focusing on this outcome, my anger and hurt over injustices will be healed. It may take time for the healing to occur and that is okay. It still makes me feel good to know that forgiveness is leading the way.

For example, let's say that someone says something to me that hurts my feelings. I determine the source of my pain and then immediately take steps toward forgiveness. I firmly believe that everyone is doing the best that they can and I tell myself this over and over. This belief helps me to forgive. Sometimes I don't forgive 100% right away but I am making the effort. I no longer want to get bogged down in anger and resentment for long periods of time before I strive to forgive.

According to The Bible, some of the last words spoken by Jesus as he hung on the cross included "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." After being tortured and crucified, it is remarkable that Jesus had forgiveness in his heart. Jesus certainly did not have ample time to process anger about being crucified before he said those words. He immediately forgave.

Self-Forgiveness is The Biggie.

Often the person I need to forgive is myself. It is easy for me to continuously beat myself up for a mistake, failure or anything else I perceive as negative about myself. There is no need for me to be so hard on myself! I believe that just as I have to love myself before I can love others, I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others. More and more, I am learning to forgive myself for all the big stuff, the little stuff, the real stuff and the imagined stuff.

I will be the first to admit, it can be challenging to forgive. Like anything else, practice makes forgiving easier. When I first started playing the piano, it was challenging and difficult. After lots of practice, it became a joy. The same thing can happen with forgiveness. Begin by focusing on forgiving the smaller hurts before you leap to the major ones. Thankfully, my first piano teacher did not assign Sonata I by Mozart to me at my first piano lesson! It seems the first piece I learned was something like Mary Had a Little Lamb.

Keeping a Forgiveness Journal

A structure to keep forgiveness alive in your life is to keep a Forgiveness Journal. Write down five of your personal acts of forgiveness each day. Make sure you include forgiveness toward yourself in your list. Also, be specific! Here is a sample:

I forgive myself for spilling juice on the floor.

I forgive that dog for biting me when I was five years old.

I forgive my leg for being so slow to heal!

I forgive that guy for taking my turn at the stop sign.

I forgive everyone in the publishing industry who has sent me a rejection slip!

Making a short, daily list of forgiveness will help keep you focused on forgiving. As you strengthen your forgiveness muscle, you will become less burdened by the heaviness that comes from consciously and unconsciously holding on to self-inflicted hurts as well as hurts that are created by others. If you have doubts about the power of forgiveness, try keeping the journal for just one week. Notice how you feel at the end of your trial run. If you are so inclined, keep forgiving and spread the word about the positive impact of forgiveness.

Do This For You!

Forgiveness brings the greatest healing to the one who forgives. If you constantly forgive others and yourself, there is not much use for resentment, hatred, anger and revenge. Your heart will become a nesting place for peace.

There will not be peace in the world until the majority of us have peace in our hearts. If you want to impact the world in a positive way, start with yourself. Consciously walk the path of forgiveness. Much like gratitude and love, it is a path that will lead you toward greater joy and peace.

Onward!

Beverly

Copyright 2006 Beverly Keaton Smith

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese

The Value of Vitamins

My favorite meal is a bag of chips and I seldom eat fruits and veggies. Since I am not the healthiest eater, vitamins have been a part of my morning routine for many years.

For no particular reason,  I began to doubt that the assortment of pills I took every morning made a difference in my well-being. I decided to make my life a little easier by steppng into a vitamin free world. At first, I liked not having to swallow those big pills every day. My pocketbook was happier and I didn't notice a big change in the way I felt.   

Lately, I've been dragging. This summer, I have slept more and lost a bit of my pep. The change in my well-being has been very gradual. It was not until I got back on the vitamin train a few weeks ago that I became a true believer. Vitamins make a difference.

I am feeling peppier, younger and happier. Once again, I am easily getting up at 5:00 a.m. and finishing my four mile walk before the sun comes up. I have no way to prove that my feelings of renewal are related to my reentry into the vitamin world, but I'm thinking there must be a connection. It seems my subtle decline became more noticeable after about six months of being off vitamins. I felt revived after about two weeks days of taking the vitamins. Coincidence? I doubt it.

I'm not a doctor and this isn't medical advice. However, I recommend that you give vitamins a try if you are not already taking them. Honestly, I do believe they make a difference in a very good way.

I like the Rainbow Light multi-vitamin for women because I only have to take one of them per day and it is gentle on my stomach. Also, it is packed with substantial amounts of almost everything! I take the B complex vitamin to increase energy and reduce harmful effects of stress. The calcium with magnesium is to keep my bones strong and healthy. I want to avoid osteoporosis! Vitamin C helps to keep the colds and sniffles away. This seems like a good foundation of vitamins.

LuckyVitamins.com is a good source for getting all of your vitamins in a single swoop!

Here are the vitamins I take. This adds up to only 5 pills every morning. Not too bad! I take them with food. That makes it easier to get them down.

Rainbow Light - Women's One Multivitamin

B-100 Ultra B-Complex

Calcium Magnesium Complex

Ester C 1000Mg