Upon returning home one day, we pulled into our long driveway, as we always do when we’ve been out and about. From out of nowhere, a squirrel darted into our path. Greg slammed on the brakes and we waited for the squirrel to get out of our way. The squirrel seemed to be in quite a dilemma. He turned to the right, to the left, to the right, to the left and then toward our car. The poor thing didn’t know what to do after unexpectedly seeing a big blue car rolling toward him. Finally, he darted off to the right and went on his merry way.
Greg and I laughed about the squirrel’s inability to make a quick decision. We easily identified with feeling immobilized by an abundance of possibilities. Who hasn’t stood at the fork in the road at some point along the way and wondered "What's next?" While we can follow the lead of Robert Frost and automatically take the road less traveled, sometimes it is necessary to deeply ponder big decisions
Recently, I encountered a couple of forks in the road along my path. As I hung out in contemplation for awhile, I thought about the process of making big decisions. How do you know if you are making the right choice? What supports you in making the right decision? I turned to a few wise women with these questions and here is what they had to say.
Before I make big decisions in my life, I weigh the pros and cons. It's easier for me to make a decision if that only affects me. However, in most cases, there are other people in my life that must be considered. So my choices have been made with them in mind. Many would call that settling. I don't. It truly makes me happy if other people around me are happy. ~Jan
After I carefully consider my options, if I am not wholeheartedly committed to making a decision, and can delay taking action, I take the time to reach the confidence level necessary before I act. However, if I must act hurriedly, I cling to the decision that wraps itself most tightly around my gut and leap!!! ~Debi
I wait at least 24 hours before deciding anything. For big things I have several processes. I consult friends and people I know less well, or sometimes, complete strangers. Sometimes I'll just pick an odd number, like 11, and ask that many people. Then I'll examine the majority vote and see how my gut feels about that. ~J.
I took this as one of my other processes. The omen. I believe if we really choose to heighten our senses about something, we are given signs. Then there's always the putting the options in a hat and pulling one. I do this a lot. It's telling in that I read my initial reaction when the "answer" is first revealed. If I'm doing the big internal YAY...then that has to be the right thing. If I begin negotiating with myself for "best 2 out of 3" then maybe I don't really want what I initially pulled after all. ~J.
Also, I will write out the issue in brief and then I'll mail it to myself. This makes certain I don't act too quickly about the issue, and again, my reaction in the opening of that envelope after a couple of days tells me a LOT. I'll either feel like "Yeah...this belongs to me" or "What the HECK were you thinking?" ~J.
I try to wrangle my way through as much of the thought process as possible before I discuss it with significant others. If the decision is something which will not impact anyone else in my family, I weigh my choices and go with my gut instinct. Some things I discuss with my siblings or mom. Other topics I may explore with one of two very close friends, both of whom are bright, realistic and rational, and do not jump into things lightly. This balances my occasionally impulsive side. ~Andi
I pray about these decisions....and I REALLY try to hear what God is trying to tell me about the big decisions. Of course, He works in His own time, and sometimes that doesn't help us much, or at least in that moment. But when one thinks about it, maybe us not getting an answer right away is an answer in a sense. ~Cher
I pay attention to what I am feeling in my body as I think or talk about a big decision. If my stomach starts hurting or if I begin to feel too overwhelmed, I've got a good clue about the direction that is best for me. There have been times when I really wanted to go in one direction but my body made it very clear that it was not my path. ~Beverly
One of the common themes I hear in the above responses is to follow your gut! Take the time to carefully weigh the pros and cons and pay attention to the signals your inner guidance is sending you. Above all else, the heart does not lie.
How do you make big decisions?
Blessings!
Beverly
PS: Doesn't this bench at Hammonasset Beach in Madison, Connecticut look like a great place to sit and reflect upon a big decision? Photo taken by Beverly Keaton Smith, September 2008.
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